When your quarterback is ditching his Victoria's Secret model (formerly) girlfriend, it seems like a natural to get a take on Friday night's Pats-Panthers game from the only Vickie's Secret model hotter than Gisele. And as a side note, I keep asking myself, is Adriana Lima flat out the World's Hottest Woman? I mean, I've given that title to others (hi, Monica), but can you make a case for anyone other than Lima wearing the championship belt? Every part of her is incredible, and the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Just asking.
Adriana's fictitious take on the events of last Friday: "I shared a locker next to Gisele at the Vickie Secret's World Headquarters for a couple of years. And I have to think that she's the only person in Tom Brady's life not happy about the way he played Friday. Everytime he completed a pass, she died a horrible death. Here he is, fresh from cross country trip to catch the baby hike from Moynahan, flies back across four time zones to play, and ends up completing 17 of 22 with two TD's. And one of those incompletions was right in Ben Watson's hands in the endzone (Are we ever going to see some consistent play from this guy by the way?). I have no doubt that Gisele wanted him to eat his own dick on the field so he'd shy away from any more tries at being Father of the Year. Instead, he feeds off the positive energy he gets from 'Git like she's Glenn Close standing up in the white hat from 'The Natural.'"
Assuming Lima is a football fan, I'd like to think that she would've noticed the obvious difference between the Patriots who know the system versus those who don't. For instance, in the 1st quarter, Carolina had the ball 2nd & 11. They lined up in an offset I right. Prior to the snap, with no movement at all from the offense, Tedy Bruschi sprinted to the B gap and held right at the line while everyone else stood still. Jake Delhomme didn't call an audible, just ran the play: a handoff to the HB...right into Bruschi. Even if Adrianna watched the play 5 times, like I have, she'd still have no idea what read Tedy made, but he obviously knew exactly what was coming.
Of course that's not the case with everyone. Even an underwear model can spot the new guys still struggling with the schemes. Mike Richardson, the rookie from Notre Dame, has shown some flashes at times. But he was caught out of position on the 48 yd. TD catch. (Still he looks like he has a chance to make the roster, as a project who could contribute down the line.) Donte Stallworth still looks like he's not exactly where Brady wants him to be, yet, but is so friggin' athletic he makes up for it. On his 37 yarder, Brady threw the worst pass of his life. It looked like a kick off. But Ken Lucas was so caught up in keeping Stallworth from getting by him, he didn't break on the ball, but Stallworth did and save Brady's bacon. The zone blocking is coming along, but there were still too many plays where Laurence Maroney had to make his cut 4 yards in the backfield, which is about 4 yards further back than intended. But obviously the scheme is suited to Kool Aid's style.
Marcellus Rivers might have passed Garrett Mills for the 4th TE spot. If Belichick keeps Rivers, it will be a huge bouquet of roses, not to supermodels necessarily, but definitely to bloggers everywhere who do wiseassy, pop-culture-filled recaps of every Pats game. I can see it now: "Does Marcellus Rivers look...like...a...bitch?" "What?" [BANG!!!] Please, Bill. Make this a reality. There are about 200 Tony Rocky Horror references just waiting to be used.
More observations from Adriana: "With their nickel packages, the Pats are going consistently with three down lineman then rushing a fourth and disguising where the fourth is coming from. It's typically a LB, but James Sanders has also been effective applying pressure. Vince Wilfork is making a claim to being as good a NT as there is in the game. He's staying on the field on passing downs and it's becoming necessary for teams to double team him on inside runs."
Lima was probably too busy getting her picture taken for the free porn that will soon be landing in your girlfriend's mailbox to have noticed, but Randall Gay is playing extremely well. He stayed with Steven Smith repeatedly, getting excellent position inside Smith on some endzone routes and running with him stride for stride. Asante Samuel's return will be a welcome edition, but more for the depth it will give the CB spot than his coming in as a savior. With Gay able to play the outside man, Ellis Hobbs will be freed up to take the slot guy in subpackages. And Brandon Merriweather dished out some very good hits against Carolina's 2nd unit, but hasn't really shown he's a cover corner yet. Expect him to get most of his playing time at safety and in the dime.
Tuesday is roster cut down day, as highly anticipated as the fall Victoria's Secret catalogue.